Saturday, 24 April 2010

LET ME DO THE MISTAKES!

I don't wanna be a super-duper perfect girl.

Let me take risks
let me do the mistakes
Don't come to me and be so sarcastic..IRRITATING+ANNOYING
Let me learn from my own actions
Don't ask me to leave it drastically
But understand me for doing it
Remember that you'd been once in my situation
YOU DID JUST THE SAME THING
So don't look down!
Don't make me feel so TERRIBLE
Don't UNDERESTIMATE! Pleasee...don't! You annoyed me as you were once even worse!
Help me to get out of this by knowing what pulled me inside.
Punishment doesn't come before judgment...so don't come to the 2nd part if you'd never done the 1st part...but I don't even think that you are the right one to judge.
Don't give me that insulting look.
And...WATCH YOUR MOUTH! SHUT IT UP!!
You don't know me...You just don't know me...
You were never with me from the beginning..you left me alone when it bumped me...
and now..here you are...spreading bad words.
DO NOT GET ANY CLOSER TO KNOW ABOUT ALL THE WRONG THINGS IF YOU DON'T REALLY INTEND TO FIX IT..

Oh young lady...I want your advice...not your harsh words!

*Saya sgt sensitif dgn org yg terlalu cepat menghukum..Kalaulah ini yg dinamakan tanggungjawab, kenapa selama ni tak pernah bertanya tentang ap yg benar2 terjadi. You never asked..You jump into your own conclusion. Dalam mahkamah pun pesalah tetap diberi peluang untuk bersuara...

Thursday, 22 April 2010

CHILL~~ :-) ^_^

Is Sri Sazila ok tonight?

Sudah3...let it go Sri..it's a very long time for me to figure out what i really want about this..let's be a good friend to each other..I know very well that I'm too timid to go further into this matter. Sometimes I want it so much but I really2 don't have the gut. I cried a little bit while explaining just now..I realized how much pain was there when I tried to go against my desire. Though, it wasn't a clear explanation. I was still...erm..hiding something.

Well, exceeding one year...don't expect that I feel nothing. For almost two years we're like magnets! It was, so hard to let go off each other...and I'm always afraid to make a single step closer but somehow it happened! YOU made it! Is it something to regret??
Hmm...ntah...sometimes i feel blessed with it. For me having a friend who always care. Hurm..thanks! But sometimes it hurts kan? Because, i want it but i don't..complicated huh?

I just don't really feel like keeping it going...let me list down the reasons:

1) Simply because it's against what I'm trying to stick with
2) Well, someone else is better 4 this(i hope intuition isn't this strong..but the clues are obvious!)
3) I don't know for how long it will last..
4) Urm..wanna stop myself from drowning..deeper and deeper..
5) We haven't know our goals clearly
6) Need to stabilize other aspects of life..study, study, study...bla..bla..bla...
7) I'm afraid if this is just for us to have fun w/o thinking about responsibilities...
....
....
.... CONCLUSION: NOT READY

So, chill~~
I'm still young.
Sorry for hiding it too long but i jz don't get the point of telling u this...

Allah knows better...let us obey HIS decision for all of us, okeh?

seronok ketawa mendengar 'cerita' ptg td...nasib baik cuma dlm fon..kalau face to face, rsenye mmg akan sgt obvious yg ketawa tu sgt3 plastik! and the smiles were sooo FAKE!
but i'm now ok...:-)

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

BELAJARLAH...

Well, urm...is it final exam sickness?
No, I'm not going to write about anything related to final exam but this is more into life lessons.

Somehow I realize that I'm gonna be a 20 y.o...erm..lady ke, girl ke...but not yet woman kan?
mcm xbest je dnga coz da ad 'puluh' tu kn...
Glancing back to all the difficulties and experiences i've been through all this while, I started to have a thought of appreciating everything in life. Hurm, betapa indah n cantik aturan Tuhan untuk saya selama ini..yg pd akhirnya, sy mmpu utk belajar bnyk perkara baru. Apa yg terlalu ketara, lesson yg sy dpt melalui kesakitan selalunya jauh lebih mempengaruhi hidup saya. Org cakap, mahukan sesuatu msti ad pengorbanan kan? Barulah terasa berharga ap yg kita dapat tu...Mcm tu jgk dgn menuntut ilmu..:-)

HAKIKAT...
hidup ni sentiasa ad pasang surut, jatuh bangun, atas dan bawah...it balancing each other. But sometimes, berada di atas tu tak semestinya kita selesa...manusia...kdg2 xmmpu nak tepis bisikan syaitan. Pengalaman menjadi mangsa kedengkian manusia, buat sy lbh b'hati2 setiap kali nak melangkah utk 'naik' ke atas...bnyk hati yg perlu dijaga. Walaupun sgtla mustahil nak puaskn ht semua org, sekurang2nya, a little bit of consideration buat mereka yg ad di bawah menunjukkan kita dah ad effort, bkn sekadar utk 'naikkan' diri sndiri tp jg utk m'jd kawan(or maybe lawan) yg baik...dan bila kita berada di bawah, barulah kita faham perasaan mereka yg pernah dengki dgn kita...(tp jgnla nak dengki kt diorng balik)

Rezeki masing2....terima sajalah..
Allah tu kan Maha Adil?

Sometimes they said:
"Sri, ko ni jenis yg takut sgt nak rse nikmat hidup"
Hurm...betul la agaknye tu kot...
Sy ad sebab utk takut....sbbnye, nikmat hidup yg sy nmpak di depan mata ni kebanyakannya cuma 'PLASTIK'....terrrlalu banyak impurities...So, I decided not to 'menikmati' tp cukuplah sekadar 'menghargai'
*kita xtau lg untuk berapa lme sesuatu nikmat tu akan kekal b'sama kita*
sumtimes pelik gak..even when i'm happy pun, sy tkt nak ketawa terlalu 'lepas'. Takut kalau happiness tu sekadar dtg utk buat sy hanyut..dan sy terlalu takut kalau ad yg dengki.

So don't ask knp sy xnak keluar dgn lelaki...xkiralah mcm mana 'gila' skali pun i am into him...coz sumtimes i do realize that it's not sumthng really pure. It's an illness. Kdg2 itu cuma alat syaitan utk haru birukan ht kita. So, jgnla bg muka sgt kt ht sndiri...
Dalam banyak hal, sy bukan org yg kuat. Tp dlm hal ini, rsenye kekuatan tu still ad lg sisanya. So let me go into the battle with this leftover strength. Selagi ad daya...

Kalau ad kwn2 yg bc post ni, jgn ditanya lg knp sy xmau take thing easily mcm org lain. Atleast i know 4 this one thing sy still ada prinsip. Biarkan sy sakit tanggung rindu. Itu lebih baik drpd sy raikan every single desire in my heart yg kdg2 tu buat sy t'pkse langgar syariat Allah. Dah cukup bnyk dosa sy sblum ni.. jd jgn b'sorak bila tngok sy mahu pergi semakin jauh beyond my limitation as a muslimah!

Ap pun, sy akan trus b'doa utk 'kawan' yg seorang tu...sy rela jalan kami disatukan kalau mmg matlamat akhir hidup kami SAMA. Tp persamaan tu msh kurang jelas. Sy rela berkongsi kekuatan kalau kami mmg sama2 mahu fight 4 the eternal happiness. Tp sy blum nmpak willingness utk sama2 hdup dgn cara n jalan yg sama...dan BETUL.
Kedegilan utk hdup 'ceria' dgn mcm2 jenis dosa masih ada dlm diri saya dan dia. Jd....tawakkal..itu je solution yg ada..

Jaga diri, jg nama baik agama n keluarga. Sy sedar status diri sbagai lepasan KOLEJ ISLAM SULTAN ALAM SHAH. So, kalau bkn sy yg nak bertegas dgn diri sndiri dlm soal ini, siapa lg??? Selama ni pun rsenye sy bukan x-kisas yg baik. Jd ap slhnya kali ni sy cuba jd baik?? Atleast i'm trying..Xpyhla nak ikut sgt dgn trend dunia zaman skarang ni. We're all very well aware of the Zionisme and all of the plans made to destroy our spiritual strength. So, watch out!
Allah dah tetapkan nilai seorang wanita itu pada tahap yg tinggi. Jd knp nak turunkan harga??

"SRI SAZILA AHMAD ZAINI, kamu dilahirkan dengan kekuasaan Allah atas dasar cinta...kamu didewasakan dgn pengawasan Allah atas kasih sayang dan cinta dari org tuamu..."

Jadi jgnlah berpaling dari Allah
Jgn jd perosak 'CINTA'

Belajarlah...semua pengalaman walaupun pahit..itu semuanya anugerah untuk terus BELAJAR.
...BELAJARLAH...