Tuesday, 22 September 2009


How on earth can this person regain her confidence to be a happy person.
I never want to remind myself about how bad I was during my past. And I don't really hope to think about what will happen next. I’m living in this great moment, the only one that I have to do everything, express every single feeling…and improve everything.

I’m certainly happy with my life now. I don’t know whether I would feel the same thing as I wake up tomorrow. Just, never want to miss a single mysterious moment of this intriguing journey.

What I’m having right now is just a first step towards a blissful end of ‘a story’. Sometimes they ask,

“Sri tak takut kecewa?”

Who knows?
I don’t know….

What I’m doing right now is just celebrating ‘a life’
I’m not that overwhelmed with all these experiences. Just…accept them and try to be smart in dealing with them. Be moderate in everything. I always need to remind myself that anything can happen in future. Everything may change. I know that there is always something that He wants to let me know. So, hmm…. I have been smiling throughout these beautiful days….

Trying…not to put too much hope, not to immortalize anything….

Yet, I still need to work hard for the sake of tomorrow. This great moment is the only one that I have to put my greatest effort in study. Jz can't help it when I start worrrying about final exam. It's too much to do for Modern Physics and Insrumentation(especially).

This great moment is the only one that I have to do my best in worship. What if tomorrow never comes...

Dear Allah....I need ur kind blessing in whatever that I'm doing...Dear Allah... I need You to always be with me every single moment. Dear Allah... I need Your guidance in dealing with all happiness and sadness. Dear Allah.... I need You......

A future is still a future.

Nobody can see the colours of tomorrow…..

Saturday, 19 September 2009

Thank U Allah

.....bcoz I got everything that I need...and what I have is definitely what I should have.


I had just endured the pain of disliking my possessions and regretting my past
This life is beautiful. I had never expect to experience most of the things happened in my life.
I had been chosen to be in intriguing situations for more than once. Sadness and sorrow are part of my life too. Sometimes I hate them so much but most of the times, I would definitely learn something new…vital lessons at the end of everything.

’Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability.’-Al-Baqarah:286

I’m now so grateful for being bestowed with all those difficulties. At least He doesn’t let me drowned in a life-long happiness that may be a silent killer to my pride…(think). I know myself...but He knows better...
Thank U Allah…You had never leave me alone.

Just to name a few…

Sometimes, there is nobody around when I need a companion…
‘He’s telling me not to rely too much on friends, family…etc….but Him. He’s telling me to be independent of others as He knows it is affordable for me.’
-Thank U Allah-

Sometimes, I get something that I hate so much…
‘He’s telling me…I need that thing…it’s the best for me. Unpleasant things may be beneficial.’
'...and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows...while you don't know'-Al-Baqarah:216
-Thank U Allah-

Sometimes, He doesn’t give me what I want…
‘He’s telling me that I’m not prepared to have it…’
-Thank U Allah-

Sometimes, I lose something that I love so much…
‘He’s telling me…there’s nothing everlasting in this world.’
-Thank U Allah-

Everything happened for a reason. There are roles that they play in my life...to make me just the way I should be. A person...and whatever in my possession... they come into my life with lessons for me to learn. When their roles end...they would eventually disappear...

Whenever I want to declare something as part of my life, I will have to think about the risk of losing it. Don’t beg to get something if we are not strong enough to lose it. The pain is terrible. But for everything that we lose, He would replace it with something better....


‘Verily, with every difficulty there is relief’

Friday, 18 September 2009

A short break

Crying it out…again and again… I know that I’m still uncertain about this part of my life. I’m just an ordinary girl alias woman to be. Sometimes, I think that I’m strong enough to deny and just ignore the biggest desire from deep within this soul of emptiness. Yet, some other times…including at this moment…I have to admit that I’m so fragile!

I’m trying to get rid of it…simply said, for the sake of mardhatillah. I can’t stand for any longer being far apart from Him. ‘That thing’… I don’t know what role does it plays in my life. At first, I felt that I was pretty well energized by its emergence. I thought that ‘we’ were trying to guide each other to ‘somewhere’. But somehow, now... I realize that I'm not going anywhere except walking further apart from the purest serenity. Then only I tell my mind that I'm afraid of that ‘happiness’ even I know that I want it so much!

Enough is enough. I'm pretty tired of trying to 'tahsin' and 'taslih' the path that we're taking. But maybe I'm not good enough to do this. I've to walk away no matter how reluctant I am. I'm hoping for someone else out there to take a very good care of some'thing' that can no longer be my priority. Still, my prayer will always be around. And now, one of the things that I need to teach myself is how to be patient. I believe that it will soon be mine. Just a little more patience in this great battle of the soul to make a peace inside....hmmm...

sigh? smile?
~~~SMILE~~~SIGH~~~ both!

Plus...be prepared, Sri! A pleasure always comes with responsibilities...ehm...

p/s: give me a break...

Thursday, 10 September 2009


InsyaAllah...sy mahu mengembara lg. Esok, sgt membimbangkan tapi tak sabar menunggu natijahnya. Peluang untuk kembali ke 'sana' sy anggap sebagai rahmat yang sangat besar. Tapi, ada tanggungjawab yg menanti. Tak pasti sejauh mana keupayaan diri utk memikul tp yakin dgn bantuanNya selagi sy ikhlas menerima semua ini.

Rasanya dah terlalu lama sy menyepi dari medan itu. Akhirnya Dia memanggil saya untuk kembali menyertai angkatan. Hiba...dlm kotor yg teramat, Dia masih memuliakan saya dgn undangan ini. Syukur...sememangnya sy perlukan sesuatu utk 'renew' hati yg dah berkarat ni. Untuk itu sy memulakan langkah menjauhi apa yg selama ini melemahkan sendi2 jiwa sy...hmmm...terlalu sakit sbnrnya...
Semoga ada ketenangan yg menanti dalam keghairahan melakar 'sejarah baru' di sana nanti.

Esok... semoga matlamat kami semua lebih jelas...
Semalam.....sy redha dgn apa yg pernah terjadi. Sy mohon dia juga diberi kekuatan utk kembali ke era kegemilangan rohaninya. Rasanya saya tak mampu membantu walau itulah harapan di awal kisah dulu. Selemah-lemah manusia ni cuma mahu menganggap 'kisah2' itu sbgai pengajaran berguna.^-^