Monday, 24 August 2009

NO MORE SILENCE

Looking back to those I had left behind, I realize that it will never be enough with just a sigh. I know that I was enforcing my emotion harder than my physical action just to get what I want and somehow noticing as well, lately, it’s no longer an easy task just like before.
Getting to know myself, I start glancing through all memories of my school days. I will never forget what my teachers used to say about me. “It’s really hard to hear a single word from this girl”. Yes, I was not the one who pleased the teachers by being talkative, interactive and active in class. How I wish I was the one!

Entering a boarding school is definitely a new phase of life. It was only then, I realized that people around me made their life joyful and meaningful by being grateful. They enjoyed everything they had and whatever they’re doing, still within certain limitations that keep them very tightly to Islamic and moral values. The motivation keeps them going and finally they got what they were struggling for.

Sometimes, the thought of how on earth can these people become good in almost everything keeps pondering in my head. And surely, it will remind me about a person with a very high self motivation. He was a famous guy in school due to his pleasant attitude and politeness. But sometimes HE doesn’t let us stay on top of everything for too long. His SPM result was quite disappointing and he only got the chance to pursue in Islamic studies instead of getting involved in science stream (his desire). All his faith was only to The Merciful Allah. He believed that Allah gave him the best thing in life.
Finally, he succeeds with excellence after three years of hard effort, trying to be happy with what he had and become a happier person with the result of his total appreciation to all the chances given.
This person had really taught me so many important ideas that we need to have in life and he keeps stressing about the importance of gratitude and hard effort. But maybe I was too young at that time and I misinterpret the concept of being grateful, soft-spoken and low profile.

Yes, sometimes we need to express ourselves. Sometimes we need to argue here and there to get a better reward but in those past years; I just kept myself in ‘critical silent mode’. It was just an ordinary Sri Sazila, I guess… (a perfect guess). I was not the one who loved to voice out. I was not the one with great confidence to tell the world about WHAT I WANT!
And they didn’t know…thus couldn’t help this naïve girl. Attempting to be thankful by willingly stay in uncomfortable situation?! This is not grateful, Sri…

“Regain your confidence, build up your determination, live your spirit to the fullest.”

That’s all I need to keep moving forward with remarkable steps. Plus, continuous prayer and total belief in the plans that HE has for me….(smile)

This life is too short. Make full use of it.
"The real function of a man is not to exist, but to live."-quote

Be grateful?
=Yes…

Silence?
=No more, please……

Saturday, 15 August 2009

~PASRAH~

Mencari diri yang kian gharib di hadapan Tuhannya...menadah kekuatan yg sangat diperlukan. Tiba2 terlalu akur mengakui kelemahan yg bukan sedikit.
Rasanya semakin hampir utk mengalami kehilangan yg memeritkan. tak tahu sejauh mana hati mampu redha dgn takdir ini. Namun qadha' dan qadar Allah S.W.T tiada siapa yg mampu menafikan. Sekadar memujuk diri dgn bayangan hikmah yg pasti menanti. Tak guna menangis, tak guna meratap....semua tahu tntang ini walu itulah yg kerap dilakukan akhir2 ini. Tapi sekadar mahu mengadu pada DIA yg mengaturkan takdir sebegini rupa...sbb, hanya DIA yg benar2 memahami.
Tahu, satu hari nanti kehilangan itu pasti akan berlaku. Utk itu hati yang terlalu rapuh ini mohon digenggan seerat yang mungkin. Pada siapa lagi selayaknya harapan ini disandarkan kalau bukan pada DIA. Sepatah bicara menyeru namaNya, rasa malu, hina menampar kalbu. Kenapa baru hari ini mahu menagih pandanganNya...
Mungkin, bermula hari ini sekadar mampu menanti dengan air mata...lemahnya insan! Atau mungkin DIA hadirkan sesuatu yg baru utk hambaNya ini.
Seandainya apa yg pernah dilalui sebelum ini adalah nikmat, berilah ilham agar hati terus mensyukuri dan menyanjung sifat PemurahMu atas kurniaan ini. Jangan sampai ada yang tak kenal diri. Mungkin, belum masanya untuk menikmati bahagia yg satu ini. Dengan seribu satu kekurangan diri, tak layak langsung rasanya...
Semoga, tiada lagi yg sukar menjadi insan yang bahagia. Janganlah ada yg dijauhkan dari rahmatNya. Putuskan harapan ini Ya Allah....andai sandarannya bukan pada kekuasaanMu....
Setiap yg disayangi, biar diserahkan saja pada DIA utk pemeliharaan yg terbaik...